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I have treated God like a cosmic “cash machine” most of my life.  Over the past few months I have been encouraged to begin to thank God and worship Him in ways that I never have.  It’s been a real challenge to pray out of reverence and worship to God, instead of standing before Him presenting my list of demands and then scampering off like a woodland sprite, to go about my day.  I ask a lot of God.  The bible even says that we should ask things of God and make requests.  Understanding more about God is helping me to change my daily prayers.  It was difficult at first.  I would pray and begin to thank God for what he had done in my life.  I thanked Him for everything that He had done or was doing, but rarely did I ever take time to thank Him for just being His awesome, amazing, creator type self.  I never struggle with something to say, yet I was stumped when I tried to honor God in my prayers.   I would pray for 30 seconds and my mind would go blank; a thousand other thoughts would come to the forefront of my mind.  It was horrible.  I felt like the worst Christian ever.  I wondered- ‘if God had never done anything for me, would I still honor Him or just stop speaking to Him at all?’

So this morning, frustrated and desperately aware that I needed to worship and honor my God for who He is, I sat down with my journal and I began to write.  It was difficult at first.  My thoughts were racing.  ‘Is one page enough?’  ‘If I write two pages, that seems like a waste of journal space and my time?’  ‘I only have a few more thoughts, should I “waste” an entire page for one sentence?’  I was acutely aware that one of the reasons I failed to acknowledge God for who He was, was that at some point in time I had relegated him to a small, programmed portion of my day.  WOW!  As a Christian who professes to love Jesus, I found that personally shaming.  God is supposed to be my ‘everything’.  Jesus gave up His very life so that I could choose if I wanted to include Him in mine.  Or not.  “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

I want to share what I wrote to my God this morning.  I would also love to hear your prayers of worship if you have them.  This is an area that I will never stop growing in and I need to know how others do it.  I fall so short of honoring my God for who He is.

My prayer- God you have orchestrated a major change in my life.  You are all powerful. You are awesome God.  I am nothing, but a big, ball of schemes without you.  I trust you Lord. Let your heart be known in my life. You led my father to you Lord. You called to him and changed his life, thus altering mine. Thank you Lord. You are God.  Incomprehensible. Unfathomable. You deserve our full attention. I want to learn to love you as much as I loved porn or ice cream. I don’t want to love your creation more than I love you God. I want to love and appreciate you. Reveal yourself to me. You provide, you create, you reveal. You do these things, because you love us. Out of your infinite love and knowledge you orchestrate our lives. Nothing is beyond your grasp or your site or your ability to prevent. You are God and I am not. You are God.

Thank you for the deliverance of the gay community.   God, thank you. I can’t imagine how big You really are. Thank you for making earth and for letting me be a part of it. You’re awesome. You’re the only one that is. Father, You’re amazing. You have life-giving hands. You provide all our needs even as we fight against You. I don’t have that many days left in the grand scheme of things. You are the author of those days. Thank You father. You deliver me, daily. No other deserves my reference. Jesus I cry when I get a cut or a scratch.  You suffered immeasurable pain for me. There is nothing I will ever do to deserve what You did for me. I can never repay you. I can never accomplish anything greater. I can never love You to the degree that You loved me. “While we were yet sinners”, You died for us. You prepared a walking path to heaven that some of us will never take. Holy Spirit, thank You for comfort on cold nights.  Lonely nights.  Nights of debate. Thank You for protection in the silent hours of the night when I am defenseless against the enemy and the world.  Holy Spirit, thank You for Your resurrection power that brought Jesus back to life. Lord in Your presence I am protected and healed and led into a holy place.

Thank You for Your holy fire that burns away every aspect of sin and every manifestation of brokenness in my life. Forgive me for doubting.  I want to know more about You Lord. I love You Lord. Not for what You do and did but for who You are. You are the ultimate painter, sculptor, builder, creator, father, architect, brother, lover, companion, disciplinarian, etc. .  It’s You I want and seek when I look for fulfillment in everything else.  Lord help me worship You better, more, longer and more unashamedly. I have lived according to the norms of this world far too long. You are my God. I am so tiny in reference to You. You could crush me, but You are patient and loving, even when I use my hurt and disappointment as a shield against You. Thank You father for a great body of believers that surround me. I envision You  standing there holding the universe in your hands, yet holding my life carefully as well.  Jesus there are no words to say thank you enough so I will do my best to say it with my life.

I will not be silent or ashamed or afraid of this world.  Thank you Jesus for your life lived in service to others.  A perfect life.  A perfect example.  You are my brother who laid down his life for me.  You did it all even as you knew I’d live a life of rebellion.  Father God, thank You for Your role in all of our lives.  We have no idea how awesome You are, or our lives would reflect it.  God it was Your divine hand that protected me in my wild days.  It is Your divine hand that still protects, loves and guides.  I love my parents simply, because that’s what I grew to know.  They fought for me at all costs.  It wasn’t hard to love them in the end.  We had a history together that showed me that I could trust them, even in their imperfect ways.  How much more should I learn to love You God?

God, You are perfect.  I’ve learned that even when I thought I couldn’t trust You, it was I who was wrong.  Our history together shows me You can be trusted, but I don’t want to simply trust You.  I want to love You, respect You, honor You and surrender to You.  I am nothing Lord without You.  I want to know Your love infinitely more than I do right now.  I am tired of living as a stranger in Your mansion catching only glimpses of You ever so often as I wander the halls.  You are my Father.  I want to know You as such.  I want to love You for who You are, not for anything You’ve done for me.  My understanding of You is severely limited by the fears that have grown out of my history on this broken planet.  Give me greater vision Lord as only You can do.  You are worthy Lord of our reverence and respect.  Thank You Father God.  There are not enough words Lord to express my gratitude.  I can’t comprehend or imagine what a day in my life looks like through Your eyes.  You are awesome!  Thank You Lord.  –Amen

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