Bible, Christian Faith, Dating guys, Dating men, DOMA, Ex-gay, Exodus, Freedom, Gay, Gay Christian, Gay kids, Gay Marriage, Gay people, Gay youth, Holy Spirit, Hope, LGBT, Pornography, Self Esteem, Sex
Is it me, or does the purple Listerine feel more like battery acid than the other flavors? As I swished it around, I did a double take at the label, searching for ingredients I was certain were in there, like “magma” or “diesel fuel”. Two nights ago, after a very enjoyable dinner with friends, my car decided to die momentarily in the parking lot. It was fixed the next day then the AC, which I had fixed a few weeks prior, went out. Did I mention how much my feet hurt as well?
Time to complain? Nope, time to testify about the peace that God has been granting me lately. The night my car broke down, my friend Luis drove Josh and I home. Problem solved. I was more than a little thrown off course, by the engine malfunction. Why? Well, the next day I had three very interconnected, tough to schedule, but very necessary appointments. You know the ones. If you’re a minute late to one, or something goes awry, the whole day could be ruined. I had from 9 pm at night to 9 am the next morning to sweat, stew and dream about how terrible the next day was going to be. I made it home and when I sat down to worry, a sense of peace washed over me instead. I don’t know that I have ever felt that before. I questioned this soothing, but unfamiliar feeling. There was one other attack that threatened my sanity that evening, yet I couldn’t forget the peace that God has used to cloak my heart.
Our dinner conversation with friends and the next day’s appointments were God ordained moments. The enemy did his best to derail ‘The Mercy Express’. satan launched his attack as soon as he could. God had begun the peace process way before then. Turns out that the repair on my car was covered under warranty. The Listerine just needed a good “shaken not stirred” action and the other two appointments worked out better after the car issue.
Every time I have begun to let doubt creep in, the Holy Spirit has been right there with a scripture. “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.”– Psalm 37:25. I read this a few weeks ago. Waterfall in the Wilderness Moment! Then today, quite “randomly” I was taking part in the filming of a new Bible DVD series and the guy on stage quotes Psalm 37:25. That peaceful feeling came again, but this time it was accompanied by something else. It was the feeling of knowing and believing that the verse was absolutely and undeniably true. I can’t explain it, but I felt the belief take hold of me like a physical manifestation of truth programmed into every cell of my body.
God is so faithful, even when I rekindle my past. I have been here before: doubt, despair and fear of failure. When I walked away from 15 years of history as a Sea World animal trainer, it was much the same as walking away from 20+ years as a gay man. Both were places of comfort and familiarity. Both met certain needs I had. I had outgrown them both as well. When I stepped away from both I was that “wobbly toddler” taking those first bumbling steps away from stability and towards the unknown.
Peter didn’t just dip his foot in and yell “HEY JESUS! Look at me!” Peter asked “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.” 29 “Come,” (Jesus) said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. “ To do great things my brothers, you gotta get off your lazy butt and step out of the boat. Turn off the TV, quit downloading porn, stop being afraid to fail, begin trusting God and do something with the life that He has so graciously loaned you. Peter’s faith started with a desire and culminated in a conversation with Jesus. What is the desire of your heart little brothers? Start your long overdue conversation with Jesus today. Keep your heart and your ears open for His response.
James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord…