This has been an amazing week for ministry. I had a long lunch with a college psychology professor from a local college. She heard about my testimony from a mutual friend and wanted to pick my brain. She teaches a class on Developmental Psych and has invited me to share about the development of homosexuality and sexual brokenness in my life. Door number one God.
Two days later I connected with a Christian counselor who is counseling a girl with a lesbian struggle. For some amazing reason, throughout the conversation, I caught myself referencing key, spiritual pieces of advice that my father had given me. It moved me to tears. This was evidence of healing in my heart and a cleansing of a mind that had been poisoned to all things Jack Walker. I never dreamed, hoped or even wanted to reference my relationship with my father, let alone pass on his advice, when I was a young man. In my most rebellious days when I was trying to put God far out of my mind, the mere mention of my father was the last thing on my list. Praise God that much of the advice my dad was giving out was permeatin’ my thick skull.
I had conversations with two other guys who are struggling with gay desires as well. These guys are both at different, but elementary, stages of walking away from homosexuality.
Through every conversation, I got a reassurance from the Holy Spirit of how homosexual desires form in so many people’s lives. Every story, every confession further destroys the lie that anyone is born gay. satan, the enemy of our souls, has no new tricks. He uses the same, old tired story to convince boys who are born artistic, sensitive and creative that they were born gay. I am so thankful that the truth of God’s word and the evidence of my own broken life bore witness to the fact that my same sex attractions developed over time, instead of simply being an integral part of my DNA. Of course, everyone’s DNA is tainted with sin. Always will be as long as we are born on this earth.
The toughest part of my week was over in a few minutes, but left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I was preached to and patronized by a well meaning, yet pushy Christian, that reminded me of why I wasn’t very receptive to the message of the gospel for so long. They may have been bringing me water in the desert, but their methods were about as efficient as using a meat grinder to polish a diamond, tennis bracelet. He came at me, snarly and preachy and I responded the same way I used to respond to Christians before who had “my best interest” at heart. Isn’t that just like the enemy to find a weak spot and exploit it with a fellow Christian in the fight.
My frown got turned upside down at some point in the fray when I was interviewed by two, German film students for research they are doing for a film they are co-directing about the Ex-gay movement. They informed me that it was birthed in the United States, a fact I feel like I should have known. It was a little rough at times. I am pretty sure the two weren’t Christians and the girl seemed to be listening, but waiting for a small, bit of exposed throat so she could go in for the kill. I stayed true to myself and the mission God has given me though. The interview took a bit of a strange turn when I told her that my time in the gay world had been amazing. At that point her mouth dropped open and her face contorted in disbelief, similar to the way a person’s face looks when they are about to pass a kidney stone. I spent a few moments explaining my statement to her. I didn’t want her to take that statement and build a case off of it. In the end, she and her silent partner Jakub thanked me for being personal and informative; a little less polished and coiffed like the sound bites in the suits she had talked to before.
All in all it was one amazing week. God chose to daily wake me up with revelation or a wave of emotion that can best be described as the Holy Spirit chills. I don’t want to be that Christian who tells people what they should believe. I don’t want to give the gay community any more reason than they already have to separate from society and form safe havens of their own. I do want to lovingly be a voice of the truth as long as I am alive. I want to answer questions honestly and be a gentle spirit to those in need. God give me strength and wisdom to do exactly that. And give the men and women who need to hear a message of salvation a heart to hear of the same Jesus that set me free so many years ago and continues to set me free on a daily, if not minute by minute basis. Thanks to both of my Dads for the way my life has turned out.

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