I had one question for God today. “Where is the easy life I was supposed to get when I said yes to Jesus?” You can only imagine God’s response. Though, when life gets tough, my first thought resembles this question. I am sure many of you have been at the place of asking God the same question or simply giving up.
When it comes to the battle with Same Sex Attraction, many of my friends have simply given up the fight. Over the past few years, many leaders I looked up to gave up the fight as well. Satan has used these instances to sew doubt and confusion into many SSA strugglers lives. The ministry of Exodus may have died a painful and calculated death at the hand of it’s own leaders, but there are still many of us still choosing to maintain our sexual sobriety and purity in a world that honors sexual deviancy and vilifies ex gay men who have chosen a different path. We don’t need Exodus to continue to choose to honor God with our sexuality.
I spent the day fasting and praying. I have a close acquaintance who for all intents and purposes considers me to be the enemy. I am living for the Lord. He is living for the moment. So I took the situation to God today. I asked for wisdom like the bible says. I cried. I whined. I walked. And walked. At one point I paused briefly for a moment to recalibrate. I felt like my prayers had become formulaic in nature, in an effort to get God to do what I wanted. I started again with a more surrendered heart and my prayers were slower, more honest, filled with a desire to trust God.
“Dear God. Here is the outcome I would like. Do what You will. Dear God, I don’t feel anything after all these prayers. Help me learn that being in your presence is not about “feeling” something, it’s about TRUSTING.”
At the end of my last round of prayers, I had reached the place of resting firmly on the fact that God is in control. There will be some tasks I have to complete, but ultimately He is for both me and my acquaintance. God is able. He is in control.
My reading today came from Genesis 1,2 and Luke 1. I started my new/old devotional reading plan today. If you want to join me and the guys of Big Fish, here is the website. http://www.lifejournal.cc. I am going to be more diligent at keeping up this year. Not because I want to be good, but because satan speaks and attacks daily. I need to put myself in the presence of God so that my soul will be renewed by the reading of the word. For those of you in places of hopelessness right now, there is hope in God’s word. Get yourself to the hospital of God’s presence.
In Genesis today, God created the world and everything in it. In Luke, God opened the womb of Elizabeth that was long dead. He brought a miracle child to Mary using just the power of His Spirit. The verse I leave you with today is Luke 1:37 For With God nothing will be impossible. Are you facing impossible odds today? Is it your actions binding God’s hand or is it simply that God is not powerful enough? We both know the answer. God is faithful and all powerful. He can be trusted. Will you trust Him today with problems you’ve been carrying around for the past year? You have had your chance to fix them. Give God a shot and prepare to be amazed.