As the world moves to promote all things gay and dismiss the truth of the bible regarding homosexuality, I will continue to promote the fact that I walked away from my gay life 16 years ago. No matter who comes out as gay, the bible will not and has not changed on the issue. I praise God that He never gave up on me. I am thankful that He helped me walk away from my sin and gave me a new life. I want the same for every man out there who struggles against what the world has to say about homosexual desires. With God all things are possible. I would like to share a small portion of my testimony of walking away from homosexuality. I sincerely wish that it brings Hope to those starting the same journey I did, so many years ago.
Halloween 1998, I was roaming the streets of New Orleans dressed as the main character from Priscilla Queen of the Desert. God wasn’t even a blip on my radar screen. During the next two months I would make some life altering decisions as my heart grew heavy and my wallet thin. My father and I were talking more. My mom was growing ill. I had promised her that I would return home if she needed me. I honestly used her health as an excuse to leave my crazy life behind. Over the span of two months, I had been date raped by a guy I later broke up with and had started dating his best friend, Scott. Scott would be the last guy I would ever date in my life. We dated for two weeks; a last ditch effort on my part as I formulated my next steps with God. When Scott broke up with me, I accepted my dad’s invitation to return home and “regroup”. Dad had been telling me that I could return home for months. I never wanted to admit failure and return to my hometown. God had my number though. I was desperate for change of any kind. I was as lost as I had ever been. And utterly hopeless.
1998 was drawing to a close and so was my 10 year stint as a gay man. My flesh was not happy. I packed up everything I owned and began the drive from Mississippi to Oklahoma. I had one last hoorah with a boyfriend in Texas and then finished the journey home. One chapter was ending. I was abandoning anyone and everyone in favor of doing the right thing. LOL. The right thing? I didn’t have a hot clue as to what the right thing was at that point. I didn’t ever make a specific plan not to be gay or not to have sex again. I just made plans not to hurt each day and then I looked up and God had worked a miracle. After a few short months away from bars and guys, God was slowly becoming my one and only. I was growing in my faith and loosening my dependence on all things gay.
Once home, nothing had really changed in my family though. My mom was bitchy. My dad was busy. And God was silent. For two months I was addicted non stop to internet porn as I attended church and worked a 50 hour a week job as a truck driver for the post office. At one point, God asked me if I was finished with porn and ready to start the business of living. I said I was and I prayed a little pray something like this. “I have tried to make my life work for ten years God. I have tried to be gay no matter what You threw at me. I can’t make this gay life work. I don’t know how You are going to make it work, but I am giving you the reins of my life Lord. You have complete control. Let’s see what You can do.”
That’s all the access He needed. He changed my life, because I gave him full access. As you read this brothers, know that I stand before you as a man of much experience, translation, a man who has made many mistakes on the way to the throne room of God. A man who has a God that never gives up, even when I do. Jesus Christ is the only reason that any of my words have any amount of influence. I know that many of you stand on the verge of something great, because 16 years ago I stood in the very same spot. May I whisper to you a simple encouragement, “There is Hope. Do not give up. The struggle out of bondage and into the arms of Jesus is so worth it.”
What is it that God is asking you to do? What is he saying to “Get rid of”? Is He asking you to stop talking to an old boyfriend? Is He encouraging you to close certain doors to your past? Change your phone number? Delete your Facebook “romances”? Is He asking you to clear space for Him in your busy, mixed up life? Better yet, are you listening? I said “Yes” to God once and continually find ways to eventually say “Yes” daily. The time to act is now. God constructs miracles, one “Yes” at a time.