I haven’t posted anything in months. My apologies. I still love Jesus. I haven’t decided to leave Christianity for the latest self honoring religious trend. In all honesty, I was just kind of mentally exhausted. I walked away from my gay life more than 17 years ago and instead of it getting easier to talk and share what God has done for me, the attacks and rhetoric of the “tolerant” left made it difficult to share. There are so many opinions when it comes to my story of leaving homosexuality behind to follow God’s true design for my life, and then there is the simple truth. I wasn’t born gay. I thank God for that. I was reminded tonight of a scripture in Psalm 139 that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And that all God’s works are wonderful. That goes head to head with what I personally know and have experienced in gay culture and gay circles. My gay life might have been pleasurable and fun for a time, but in the end it was anything, but wonderful.
I had the distinct pleasure of praying with a father tonight whose son has been trying to slowly and steadily acclimate them to his gay life. The most amazing thing about this father’s journey with his son, was the fact that his love for his son was so evident. The son can’t see that homosexuality is not God’s design for him, but with the leading of the Holy Spirit, the father sees it clearly. It was my own father’s prayers that awakened my soul to the calling of the Holy Spirit. It was my father’s constant battle in prayer that led me out of homosexuality and into the arms of Jesus.
I will never believe that myself or anyone was born gay. I will forever believe that God’s design for men who have been led down the path to homosexuality were indeed born Artistic, Sensitive and Creative, not gay. So that brings me to the place of mental exhaustion. There are times I forget that the fight is against powers and forces in the spirit realm and not against the people being manipulated by those forces here on earth. No one likes to be called names or bullied or picked on. And the gay community has gone to great lengths to end bullying in many venues, yet they employ those same skills to stifle beliefs that conflict with theirs. A few weeks ago I was verbally berated on our neighborhood Facebook page by a woman I had never met.
We posted our ministry name and our fundraising event on the page. The lady took the time to look up our page and then post lie after lie after lie about Big Fish Ministry. I sheltered the brunt of her rage silently for most of the day and then I shared it with some close friends. The anger my friends felt for me felt good, because they know my story, my heart and they know the attack all too well. We turned our anger into prayers for the woman. Satan is the real enemy we are facing. Not some internet bully.
In high school I faced down a bully that was twice my size and used words as lethal weapons that altered the course of my life for a time. Now the only words that I choose to let alter the course of my life is the Word of God. I have been verbally assaulted and had my character maligned more by men and women of the gay community, because of my testimony than I was ever assaulted when I was gay by straight people. It’s always interesting to me that the full initials of the gay community include a Q for “Questioning”, but when you question the presence of homosexuality in your life like I did, and decide for God and against gay, the claws and insults come out.
This latest issue about transgender bathroom rights is less about transgender rights and more about altering the course of God’s design and will for our gender. Isn’t it interesting that the very principles that God laid down in the book of Genesis regarding gender and marriage are the very things under attack today by satan. The gay community is composed of men and women just like the “straight” community. Satan works through people, places and things. The gay community isn’t the enemy, but they are being used by the enemy to alter God’s design for man.
I find it interesting that the transgender community is more interested in having an entire nation honor their “rights”, but show almost no concern for the implications that open restrooms are going to have on children. At the end of the day, it isn’t about gay, transgender or individual rights. It’s about the selfish nature of the human heart steeped in sin and in need of Jesus. There is the mentality that “I want what I want when I want it and you had better not tell me No. No one tells me No, because I have a right.” If you tell me NO, you are a bigot, a hater. You aren’t a Christian, because God is love and if you aren’t loving me by letting me have everything I want in life then you are wrong.
From having lived as a gay man for most of my life, I know the rampant immaturity of the gay community. It is a vast network of men and women who have been hurt and rejected by the world and in some ways are working daily to make sure that those who have hurt them will never hurt them again. The only problem with that is that “Hurt people, hurt people.” As the vast majority of gay men do, I grew up without a meaningful connection with my father. I was blessed in that my father, though distant, was a Christian. He loved me and reached out even when I was full of piss and vinegar toward him. He prayed even when the life I was living gave him no hope.
So as it stands now, I am done being exhausted by the bullies in the gay community. I am a voice for truth and hope for those men and women trapped in their gay lives by the one way, intolerant rhetoric of the gay agenda. God has challenged me to set the captives free and proclaim freedom for those stuck in the prison walls. Alan Chambers may have shuttered Exodus International, but the truth of God will not be silenced by any man regardless of how influential. Change is still possible. Freedom from homosexuality is still possible. God is in the business of changing the hearts and lives of men.
The last time I posted a blog on this topic, I tried to boost it on Facebook. The Facebook powers that be refused to allow me to boost it due to it’s graphic nature. I shouldn’t be surprised. Facebook is not a Christian based group. Even talking to my friend in North Carolina who shared the truth of the Bathroom Legislation, I found out a truth that the liberal media blocked all of us from hearing. I’m done with the censorship. I’m done with the lies, slander and victimization myself and other “ex-gays” like me receive from groups that cry out “OFFENSE OFFENSE” whenever someone speaks that truth of God’s word. If those of us who know the truth refuse to stand up for it, regardless of the backlash, then we can’t complain when everything goes to crap.
My name is Matthew Aaron Walker and in December of 1998, I walked away from a gay life with help of Jesus Christ. He has the same legacy for you my friend. Homosexuality is not God’s design for your life. There is a way out and His name is Jesus.